I Finally Feel At Home.

Blogging from: Roma, Italia.

Italia, ti amo bella!!!

I didn't think I could fall in love. I didn't think I could say "I never want to leave." I don't want to leave Europe!

I have always struggle with the feeling and pride that comes with living or being born somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I love El Salvador and I would do anything to help my people; but the years I lived there, I never felt like I was Salvadoran enough.

I remember people used to judge us growing up for eating with a fork and knife, or for always requesting a napkin when we ate. El Salvador is such a poor country that many people take manners as something that is more or less fancy. Furtheremore, people looked at us differently because we lived in a decent neighborhood but we had money to be able to afford something nicer. My mom was the neighborhood' mom. In fact, all my friends I played with daily actually called her mom. Whenever someone had a problem, they would come to her. Yet, people thought we were somehow better than them because my mom could afford to buy things that people in the neighborhood couldn't have. There were even times when people would questioned what my mom did for a living because she had money to take care of all these people.

Moreover, as I grew older and moved to the United States, I immediately felt out of place because society had already placed me in the minority category. I was an immigrant so I didn't belong there. I spoke Spanish so I was a Mexican.

My mom also encouraged the fine arts. She taught us about classical music and also dinning manners. I started reading more and discovered my love for museums and art. This is something that would be no big deal, except for the part where I am constantly called bougie* snobbish, or my favorite: wannabe white.

I am not really a sensitive person. Most jokes or insults don't offend me because I know who I am and I am not any of the things people want to use to attack me, but being called a wannabe white is actually very offensive. I don't understand how trying to be a well rounded citizens means I am trying to be another race or skin color; for that matter. It is very hurtful. I have always been proud to be Hispanic, but I am more than just a Hispanic person. My race doesn't define me. It also doesn't mean I cannot learn about arts or classical music. I think it is about being educated and not one's skin color or social class. As a result, I don't fit American standards. I don't feel at home.

However, Europeans have a very different mentality. I can have a conversation about politics with anyone. I can discuss classical music and operas with many people, and I can talk to anyone about current issues and not feel like an alien.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure not veryone is like that, but I feel it is easier to meet someone with those likes here. All these things are encouraged in Europe.

One of my favorite moments thus far took place yesterday outside of the Sistine Chapel. I was reading a book that talked about Michaelangelo and the Sistine Chapel when I heard a little kid talking about the different paintings on the ceiling. The kid must have been 9 or 10 years old. He was sitting at a bench, with a person I could only assume was his mom, and he was telling her what he understood from the different paintings. It  was really something beautiful.

My other moment happened when I sitting at the stadium while watching a football match. All people were screaming and chanting and just so passionate about football. That moment was it. In that moment, I decided I didn't want to be anywhere else but Europe. I love this part of the world. I love the people. I love the European mentality.

Bougie: Aspiring to be a higher class than one is.